Perfectionism has been in my DNA for as long as I can remember. In elementary school, I used to erase entire pages of homework if I didn’t like how I worded something or if I made a tiny mistake. Even if it meant redoing my work, I couldn’t stand turning in something that didn’t feel flawless. I wasn’t told I needed to be perfect – no one explicitly said that – but somehow, I internalized the idea that being good enough wasn’t enough. I believed I had to be exceptional to be worthy.

That belief followed me into law school and then into my legal career. It shaped how I prepared for oral arguments, drafted every motion and responded to emails. I double, no, triple-checked my work. I chased the elusive goal of zero mistakes. And for a while, that perfectionism paid off. It fueled academic success, early praise and trust from mentors.

But it also came at a cost.

Early in my legal career, I made a mistake. A real one. I missed responding to an argument in a brief. It wasn’t malicious. It wasn’t lazy. It was a single oversight during a stressful week. But in the high-stakes world of litigation – especially as a young associate – the consequences were sharp and swift. I was asked to resign.

At the time, I was naturally devastated. The experience didn’t just bruise my ego, it cracked the very foundation I had built my identity on. If I wasn’t perfect, who was I? If I could make a mistake, did I even belong in this field?

Looking back now, I see that moment as a turning point. It forced me to confront the toxic underbelly of perfectionism. Because here’s the truth: Perfectionism isn’t the same as striving for excellence. One is rooted in growth, the other in fear. And in the legal profession, where the stakes are often high and the margin for error is small, we’re especially vulnerable to conflating the two.

But perfectionism can stifle creativity. It can erode confidence. It can keep us from taking risks, from learning, from growing. It can turn a human error into a full-blown identity crisis.

I’ve since learned that resilience matters more than perfection. That our value as lawyers – and as people – doesn’t lie in never messing up. It lies in how we respond when we do.

The legal field desperately needs to have more open conversations about this. About the unrealistic standards we place on ourselves and each other. About the mental health toll of pretending we have it all together. About how normal it is to make mistakes – and how much strength it takes to own them, learn from them and keep going.

I still catch myself wrestling with perfectionism. But now, I try to pause and ask: What am I afraid will happen if this isn’t perfect? Usually, the answer isn’t life-threatening. It’s ego-threatening. And that’s where the work begins.

To the young attorneys out there feeling like one misstep could define their career, please know it doesn’t. You are more than your worst day at work. You are more than the cases you win or lose. You are enough, even when you’re still becoming.

And to those of us further along in our careers, let’s model what it looks like to be excellent and human. Let’s normalize mistake-making and, even more so, grace.

Perfection may have once been my compass, but now I’m guided by something far more sustainable: progress, perspective and purpose.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ms. Thoreson is of counsel at Rosenstein, Fist & Ringold in Tulsa.