Let’s be honest. Being an attorney is tough. We have chosen to help others with some of the most important issues in their lives. Whether in their professional lives, with business contracts, consulting, finance or taxes; their personal lives, with relationships, divorce, paternity, guardianships, adoptions, protective orders or the eventual deaths of loved ones through estate planning and probate; or even their own personal freedom, when they are charged with a crime. The list goes on and on.

In most situations, the individuals we help are going through very atypical times and circumstances. They are hypervigilant and aware. In short, these circumstances create a perfect storm that harms our own mental health, not even accounting for whatever we may be going through in our personal lives at the time.

For trial lawyers, these circumstances can be even worse, especially for those of us who try cases before juries. At least with bench trials, the fact finder (the judge) will usually sift through unnecessary evidence and emotion to reach the core issue. Bench trials bring more legal precision because of the judge’s training in law, and they involve fewer theatrics. They are typically faster, more streamlined and come with fewer procedural delays. There is also predictability: Trial lawyers often feel they can anticipate a judge’s reasoning based on legal experience and past rulings.

A jury trial, however, is an entirely different challenge. The lawyer’s ability to predict the outcome or the evidence the jury might latch onto is greatly reduced. Storytelling matters. A compelling narrative with strong witnesses and emotionally impactful evidence becomes crucial. It’s no longer just about the law; the lawyer’s ability to persuade is paramount. And above all, jury selection is critical. As trial lawyers often say, “Before a judge, I argue the law. Before a jury, I argue a story.”

I’ve been a practicing trial lawyer for almost 20 years. For the first seven or eight, I only tried jury cases, either in the Tulsa County Public Defender’s Office as an Oklahoma Indigent Defense System subcontractor or in my own private practice. In the last 12 or 13 years, I have expanded into divorce, paternity, guardianships, protective orders, adoptions and other areas of law typically tried by the court instead of a jury. Despite the extremely high level of stress and anxiety in both types of trials, I can honestly say I’ve never once thrown up in the courthouse bathroom before a bench trial.

THE PRETRIAL STRAIN

The time between setting a case for trial and beginning jury selection is the worst. Once a jury trial is set, my anxiety climbs with each passing day. As the date nears, I sometimes suffer migraines, nausea, stomach issues or even periods when my immune system seems to shut down, bringing on colds, flu, hives or other physical conditions I don’t normally experience. Insomnia is constant and, for me, the hardest part.

The pretrial period is filled with fear: the fear of being unprepared, the fear of forgetting an important issue, the fear of failure. I obsess over what I still have to do, over every detail of evidence and over how to present it. Even after all these years, I still feel utterly unprepared and terrified before each trial.

It is also important to note that this cycle repeats. I may have to go through this emotional rollercoaster several times before a case actually reaches a verdict. Some cases are delayed, postponed or dismissed, forcing me to restart the process. That means late nights with banker’s boxes of files, demonstratives, a laptop and constant neck and back pain.

INSIDE THE TRIAL

Once a trial begins, something changes. Any trial attorney will tell you that after jury selection, when the judge finishes questioning, the prosecutor sits down, and I finally begin my opening, I suddenly feel at home. Despite the anxiety, stress and hyperawareness, the courtroom becomes my stage. My back and neck still ache, but now it’s because I’m on the edge of my seat, ready to object at a moment’s notice.

My mind is focused on every question and response. My client is overwhelmed by the circumstances, and I know my control is essential. I cannot allow even a sigh or frown in front of the jury. Every inconsistency must be tracked perfectly. Saying “there is a lot going on” during trial is an understatement.

And the day doesn’t end when court adjourns. Unless the jury has already reached a verdict, I’m back at the office preparing for the next day, reviewing witnesses, exhibits, openings, closings or motions. Sleep comes only when I barely remember my own name and somehow manage to eat something before waking at 5 a.m. to do it all over again.

THE TOLL ON FAMILY

The trial attorney’s spouse and family often bear the heaviest burden. My wife would say that while pretrial is tough, I can still manage to help with errands and kids’ activities. During trial, that stops completely. I am physically present at home but mentally absent – staring into space, consumed by the case. This understandably causes resentment.

This burden explains why trial attorneys face so many occupational hazards: divorce, substance abuse, smoking, drinking, obesity, insomnia. Imagine being a trial attorney who, on top of the trial itself, is still expected to maintain household routines. It is crushing.

AFTER THE VERDICT

Reaching a verdict is a relief but not an end to the emotional strain. I typically still cannot sleep. My family, friends, staff and other cases have been neglected for days, if not weeks. Emails pile into the thousands. I obsess over every detail of the trial: Did I ask that question correctly? Did I look bad to the jury? Should I have called that witness? Was my theme strong enough?

Even after a win, I replay everything in my head. After a loss, the self-doubt is overwhelming. And the brutal truth is that prosecutors, public defenders and Oklahoma Indigent Defense System attorneys are often expected to start preparing a new jury trial the very next Monday, regardless of when the last one ended.

THE BIGGER PICTURE

The statistics are alarming. The 2022 ALM Intelligence, Mental Health and Substance Abuse Survey of 3,400 practicing lawyers found:

• 44%agreed that attorneys’ mental health and substance abuse problems are at a crisis level.
• 55%believed those issues are worse in law than in any other profession (only 9% disagreed).
• 35%reported severe depression (versus 9% in the general population).
• 64%felt their marriages or personal relationships had suffered due to law practice.
• 75%said their practice of law harmed their mental health over time.
• 66%suffered from high anxiety (versus 18% in the general population).
• 19%had contemplated suicide (versus 5% generally).
• One in three lawyersreported substance abuse problems (versus 5% generally).

These numbers are staggering, though sadly not surprising. I’ve lost colleagues to suicide, drugs and alcohol. Many lawyers quit entirely. In just one month, I knew of two attorneys who left the profession altogether.

WHAT HELPS

So what can we do? Personally, I’ve found that splitting cases with co-counsel helps immensely. Sharing the weight, playing devil’s advocate and having another set of eyes and shoulders reduces the burden.

I’ve also learned to be selective with clients. If I sense a conflict during the initial consultation, I decline. Not every case is worth the personal toll. I advise potential clients to seek second opinions and remind myself that no retainer fee is worth sacrificing my health.

I am also mindful of why I take certain cases. If I personally identify with an issue because of my life experiences, I risk secondary trauma or compassion fatigue, which can mirror PTSD symptoms: nightmares, irritability, headaches, isolation. I now pause and check my motivations before accepting a case.

Cooling down between trials is essential. I take days off, spend time with family, and most importantly, I openly ask for help. What I once saw as shameful – admitting I needed support – has now become the foundation of a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Finally, I debrief after trials. I journal thoughts, fears and lessons learned. About 10 years ago, I sought help through the Lawyers Helping Lawyers Assistance Program Committee, which paid for six therapy sessions. With skepticism, I called the mental health service provider, A Chance to Change in Oklahoma City, and found that it helped immensely. Discussing my fears, family struggles and emotions with a therapist allowed me to avoid repeating mistakes.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Attorneys must look out for each other. This profession allows us to help people in unique and powerful ways, but it also exposes us to unique dangers. Trial attorneys, especially public defenders and prosecutors, must remember that acknowledging and asking for help is not a weakness; it is survival.

As the saying goes, “No man is an island.” We are stronger when we recognize our limits and support one another.

I'll take a person who has been broken, accepted it and put themselves back together any day of the week. Those cracks are how the light gets in. That's courage.

“Courage is the most important attribute of a Lawyer. It is more important than competence or vision ... and it should pervade the heart, the halls of justice and the chambers of the mind."

– Robert F. Kennedy

If you or anyone else would like to receive your free therapy sessions provided to you through your bar membership and the Lawyers Helping Lawyers Assistance Program Committee, you can contact A Chance to Change at 405-840-9000. Simply state you are a member of the OBA and would like to begin using your free therapy sessions. Also, if you or any other lawyer needs any assistance of any kind, please contact the 24-hour Lawyers Helping Lawyers hotline at 1-800-364-7886. Calls do not go to the bar association and are completely confidential.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Scott Goode is a partner with the Military Law Group in Tulsa, which focuses on family law for active-duty, reserve, retired and disabled veterans. He has served as chair of Lawyers Helping Lawyers since 2022 and was appointed as the at-large member on the Oklahoma Board of Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselors in 2024. He is the district/trial court judge for the Miami and Ottawa tribes and the municipal judge for Hulbert. A U.S. Navy veteran, Mr. Goode earned his J.D. and Indian law certificate from TU in 2005.