Should’a been a Redneck
By Dan Murdock

It all started that way. My father was born in a small town in south central Arkansas. My mother was from west Texas. I was the seventh of eight children with those double names like Nita Jo, Mary Lou and Donna Kay. Since I came from a large family with a small house, TV trays were a necessity of life. Never really knew about being a redneck.

Didn’t know what made you one. Really thought it was just a process. All of a sudden you were one. No planning to be. It just happened. Someone said you were.

I always thought of a redneck as someone from the South who drove a pickup with a confederate flag front license plate and a gun rack. Don’t forget the CB, either. It has been said that you are a redneck if you have ever used a rag as a gas cap. Guilty on that one. Or have ever had a windshield with a crack longer than the distance between your elbow and your wrist. Yup, guilty there, too.

I have managed to keep my own teeth, but Dad used to love to scare my children when they were young by sticking out his false teeth at them. Another redneck trait.

I always thought rednecks were fat guys who wore coveralls. I am not thin, and I do own a pair of coveralls. Never wear them much. I also thought rednecks like to eat a lot. That’s how they got the big stomach. I did learn a couple of new tricks about eating at the recent bar convention. I waited for everyone to be seated and took a seat by the door at an empty place next to Bev Petry, your MCLE administrator. Wonderful lady, she is. Doesn’t eat meat. She traded me her steak for my vegetables. She is also dieting, so I got her dessert, too. Always sit at the table with the fewest people. There are always extra desserts. It’s amazing how much you can learn at those luncheons.

Never did like NASCAR – still don’t. My hair is not five times longer in the back than it is on top. I never borrowed a dip from my mother, but my grandma (Dad’s side) would have given me some dip if I had asked. Never cared much about that either.

I never planned to be who or what I am today. It just happened. All of a sudden, here I am. For better or for worse. Sometimes life is just strange.

Merry Christmas!

Mr. Murdock is OBA general counsel.