A Lawyer Who Represents Himself. (A true story)
By Judge Richard Darby

A lawyer from another state assisted clients from Oklahoma in the drafting and administration of a trust. The attorney arranged to play an integral part in the activities of the trust assets and was suspected of self-dealing. Unhappy with his services, the clients sued the attorney in Oklahoma state court. The attorney was now the defendant in a civil lawsuit. He decided to act as his own attorney and represent himself.

The case came on for trial before a jury. The accused attorney appeared alone as both counsel and client. The trial progressed like most others, but with a looming anticipation of problems caused by this defendant's choice of legal representation.

Trouble came when the attorney called himself as a witness. Our friend was now the former attorney for the plaintiffs, the defendant, the attorney for the defendant, the witness, and the attorney interrogating the witness.

The judge was in uncharted water and called a recess. He asked the attorneys how they wanted to conduct this inquiry. The attorney/defendant/witness suggested that he just take the oath, and by narrative tell his side of the story. He would then stand for cross-examination. Plaintiff's counsel disagreed, stating he would not have an opportunity to object to anticipated testimony without the aid of a preceding question.

The judge was persuaded and ordered the testifying attorney to either tell the nature of his upcoming declarations before he actually made his statements, or literally ask himself a question then answer it. Everyone left the judge's chambers wondering how the attorney would present his evidence.

Back in the courtroom, the judge told the attorney he could call his next witness. "I call myself, Ned Fritz," the attorney responded. The judge administered the oath to the attorney and asked him to have a seat in the witness chair. The attorney fumbled through some papers in his hands and then began by saying:

"Please state your name."

He answered, "My name is Ned Fritz."

He asked himself, "What do you do for a living?"

He answered, "I am an attorney."

The questions and answers awkwardly continued. As he testified, spectators glanced at each other, smiling, but trying not to laugh out loud. Then the attorney asked himself a question something like --

"Would you please explain the circumstances surrounding the execution of the trust?"

The attorney paused, having asked himself a question he was struggling to answer. A heavy silence filled the courtroom which was suddenly out of air. He finally responded:

"Could you rephrase the question please?"

A juror in the front row spewed in laughter. Now the attorney was truly qualified to examine himself because of a self-induced, out-of-body experience. He continued to testify as his case died an agonizingly slow death.

While the jury was deliberating, he asked the judge if he could leave before they returned a verdict. Request denied. He lost. I just wonder how he explained it to his client.

Judge Darby is district judge for Oklahoma's Third Judicial District.