Bad Hair Day
By Preston Draper

As most of us can attest, the life of a lawyer is hardly always glamorous. Rather, we
constantly work under the critical eye of judges, clients, colleagues and even witnesses. With that kind of pressure, even the best of us can have what are affectionately known as "bad hair days." While reading a transcript one day not too long ago, I came across an exchange between a lawyer and a witness that records perhaps the ultimate in bad hair day experiences. Enjoy! (Names have been omitted to protect the innocent.)

Lawyer:
Okay. We talked some time back about all this, right? Do you remember that?

Witness:
Oh, a little bit.

Lawyer:
Okay.

Witness:
Are you with the Whatever-You-Want-to-Call-it Law Firm?

Lawyer:
Yes, sir.

Witness:
Whatever-You-Want-to-Call-it Law Firm?

Lawyer:
Yes, sir.

Witness:
Oh, you’re not
one of the ones
that came out.

Lawyer:
I’m not?

Witness:
Are you?

Lawyer:
Yes, sir.

Witness:
You’re Mr.
Whatever?

Lawyer:
Yes, sir.

Witness:
Okay. Yeah. You got a wig on?
I don’t recognize you.

* * *

Witness:
You’re looking a little bit—didn’t you used to be on the P.D., police force?

Lawyer:
I beg your
pardon, sir?

Witness:
You used to be on the police force,
didn’t you?

Lawyer:
Yes, sir.

Witness:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got different hair today. Excuse me, no offense. I wore one when I had an operation.

Lawyer:
Well, for the record, this is mine.

Witness:
No kidding?
Well, I don’t mean it looks like a rug. Boy.

Boy is right! I have it on good authority that there were several snickers from the bench, the clerk, the court reporter, co-counsel, opposing counsel and the gallery during this bit of cross-examination. If the lawyer’s hair didn’t look like a rug before starting that exchange, it very well may have by the time it concluded!

Mr. Draper is an assistant attorney general in the Oklahoma Attorney General’s office.