TECHNOLOGY/PRACTICE Management
Can You Hear Me Now? The Fine Art of Listening
By Guy W. Jackson

Several years ago a fellow lawyer told me about a short conversation with his daughter after the first day of school. It seems that the daughter had been talking with some of her friends, and sharing the type of job of each of their parents. When it came around to his daughter, she stated, "My mother and father are listeners." Both the mother and father are lawyers.

Listening is a critical skill for lawyers. Whether it is listening to prospective clients, clients, opposing parties, opposing counsel, witnesses or judges, it is imperative that we understand what is being communicated. Listening is the most frequently used communication skill. Communication consultant Germaine Knapp stresses that "effective listening can be used to help persuade, motivate, improve productivity, boost morale, obtain cooperation, sell, teach, inform, or achieve other goals." Clearly, if we as a profession improve our listening skills our clients will be better served. In this article we will examine an approach to listening that will make us better practitioners.

There is a huge difference between the sensory process of hearing, and the skill of listening. Hearing is an automatic process. Listening is a voluntary process that goes beyond hearing. Listening also includes understanding, analyzing, evaluating, and responding. Listening involves not just the sounds, but also includes language given by the environment and body. Listening requires concentration. Without it one is labeled as inconsiderate or having a short attention span.

Professional Listening

There is a common misconception that a lawyer demonstrates competence and excellence by speaking. At least that is what we have been told. After all, many believe that it is through speaking that knowledge can be shown and articulated. In reality excellence can be demonstrated through effective listening. Clear and penetrating questions after effective listening can demonstrate true competence.

Benefits of Good Listening

Researchers estimate that 45 percent of a person's income is earned by listening. Further, that percentage increases as a person rises in his or her career. Listening allows one to accurately elicit key information, calm emotional individuals, and focus concentration when talking on the telephone. Listening properly allows a lawyer to obtain more and better information upon which to represent her or his client. Listening properly allows the professional to accurately evaluate the fact situation and recommend appropriate action. Good listening skills endear lawyers to their clients and establish a firm relationship.

Problems with Ineffective Listening

Difficulty arises when one does not listen carefully. Too often statements like "You need to pay closer attention to directions," "I already told you that," or "I don't think you understand what I'm saying" are good indications of deficient listening skills.
When other people perceive that someone is not listening carefully, their usual first reaction is that the person is not able to comprehend what is being said. This requires repetition, which may lead to frustration. This frustration has a tendency to silence the speaker. Other times a poor listener may ask for repetition.

Repeating information is time-consuming and impedes a quick response. Continual need to repeat consumes effort and energy. If you are experiencing stress or fatigue, an ineffective listening partner compounds your problems. There are other costs. Failure to listen properly can generate misinterpretation that leads to loss of money for yourself or your client.

Effective listening is necessary to move toward career goals. Promotions, recognition, salary increases, and awards are possible only after employees demonstrate competence in critical areas. Performance appraisals are often based on criteria directly related to effective listening abilities. Listening allows you to take advantage of opportunities and avoid potential problems. Those who maintain average listening abilities will probably achieve average success. On the other hand, persons with exceptional career success will tell you that they consider listening skills a critical element of their success.

Barriers to Listening

Although we lawyers spend much of our time listening, most of us do not listen as well as we should. For example twenty-four hours after we hear a speech, CLE presentation, deposition testimony, or oral ruling of a court, we forget more than half of what was said. It gets worse. In another twenty-four hours we forget an additional half of that which we did remember. So we are left with only a quarter of the presentation.

Our interpersonal listening skills are not much better. Perhaps this is because we are not only listening, but are preparing to alternate quickly between listening and speaking. There is good news, however. Most listening problems can be traced to a single source - ourselves. While listening to others, we are also "talking" to ourselves. As long as we keep this "self-talk" focused on the message, it may be useful. But, if our concentration strays, our listening effectiveness plummets.

1) Focusing on a Personal Agenda

So what is it that impedes our ability to "hear?" The first barrier is when we focus on our personal agenda. If we are trying to construct what we are going to say next when we should be listening, we will not always "hear" what is being said.

Sometimes we enter a conversation with a purpose for the conversation, but the conversation begins in another direction. For example, years ago a lawyer was representing a plaintiff in a personal injury case. The plaintiff had refused the "last and final" offer by the defendant. One day before trial plaintiff's counsel received a telephone call from his client. He was told that there had been a flood the previous night and that plaintiff and his family had lost everything. The lawyer was directed to call defense counsel and take any dollar amount (even less than the "last and final") to resolve the case. The call was placed. Before plaintiff's counsel could speak and explain the call, the lawyer for the defense blurted out that his client would double the previous offer. Clearly, he was more concerned with his own agenda. It cost his client money.

2) Emotional Noise

Another barrier to effective listening involves words that distract. These could be four-letter words, those that insult religious or ethnic heritage, or perhaps a concept that triggers a defensive/offensive response. The speaker's own emotional state can affect your ability to understand and evaluate what you are hearing.

3) Criticizing the Speaker

There is an old observation about killing the messenger instead of dealing with bad news. Unfortunately, this plays out in life sometimes. We may enter a case with an opposing lawyer or client that we do not like. When this happens, we do not focus on the message. It is the message that is important to our clients. Good listeners say to themselves, "While it may be distracting, I am simply not going to let the appearance of this lawyer/party keep my attention from the message."

4) Speech Rate v. Thought Rate

Most people think faster than others talk. This actually can be a barrier to communication. The average rate of speech is 125 words per minute. The average rate of processing what we hear is 600-800 words per minute. What we do with this extra time is distracting if we do not use it properly. Some choose to daydream, or tune the speaker in and out. Several years ago an Oklahoma lawyer was giving a CLE presentation in Arizona. After the very beginning of the lecture, a lawyer from another section of the country left the room. Later he apologized to the speaker and said that he could not understand the speaker because the speaker was speaking too slowly. This is a true story. How fast we listen determines how effective we are as listeners.

5) Information Overload

We all are constantly bombarded with information. Sight and sound images create an information rich environment. Experts suggest that the type and volume of information competing for our attention will only increase in the future. Already telephones, fax machines, car phones, audio Internet messages, and other devices can interrupt conversations and create distractions. Even if we are able to control the distractions on our end, the other party to the communication will have the same potential barriers. Perhaps the person is not ready to listen. You may want to ask, "Is this a good time to talk?"

6) External Noise

It is not unusual for the average office to have many noise sources. Ringing telephones, fax machines, printers, people talking in the hallway and music are commonplace in an office. When we are involved in communication (in person or by telephone) it is easy to be distracted from really listening. Such distractions make it difficult to concentrate on the message being sent. You can either attempt to listen through the different levels of noise, or you can modify your environment to reduce them, such as closing an office door. Experience (and exit interviews) dictates that clients will appreciate the modification.

Improving Your Responding Skills

The way you respond is crucial to the success of most communications. There are several, proven traits that can improve the message received.

1) Provide Well-Timed Responses

Feedback is most effective when offered at the earliest opportunity. Sometimes if a person is emotionally charged about something, feedback should be delayed. Why? It should be delayed because they will not be able to hear it without distraction. A lawyer should use critical thinking skills to analyze when feedback will do the most good.

2) Provide Usable Information

A friend says that you should never try to teach a pig to sing. He explains that it is a waste of your time, it does not sound pretty, and it annoys the pig. When you provide information to someone be certain it is useful and relevant. You should ask yourself, "If I were the client, how would I respond to this information? Is it information I can use or is it information that may make matters worse?" In the guise of feedback we could be tempted to spill all information that we have. But, research suggests that selective feedback is best.

3) Avoid Unnecessary Details

When you are selecting meaningful information, also try to cut down on the volume of information. Overwhelming the listener with minute details that could obscure the key point. Hitting only the high points benefiting the listener will be appreciated. If they want more detail, they will ask for it.

4) Descriptive Rather Than Evaluative

When we describe behavior or facts, rather than utilizing words which judge, we will get our message understood more easily if we use more factual and neutral words. If we concentrate on right or wrong instead of behavior, we are likely to trigger a defensive, passive listening reaction.

Summary

Effective listening is an important skill. We may believe that we are good listeners, but with practice these skills can be improved.  Listening is the process of making sense out  of what we hear, and it includes selecting, attending, understanding, remembering, and responding to others.

Most of us do not listen effectively because we fail to follow three simple steps: stop, look, and listen. Stopping means to avoid tuning in to our own distracting messages. Looking is observing and interpreting unspoken  messages. Listening means paying attention to what is being transmitted.

OBSERVER CHECKLIST
Nonverbal Skills
Direct Eye Contact
Open; Relaxed Body Posture
Uncrossed Arms and Legs
Appropriate Hand Gesture
Reinforcing Nods
Responsive Facial Expression
Appropriate Tone of Voice
Appropriate Volume

OBSERVER CHECKLIST
Nonverbal Skills
Effective and Appropriate Questions
Accurate Paraphrase of Content
Accurate Paraphrase of Emotion
Timely Paraphrase
Didn't Interrupt Speaker

THE ESPERTI PETERSON QUANTUM LISTENING MODEL1
1. Listen by Relinquishing Control
2. Utilize the Power  of Tone
3. Be in the Moment
4. Be Free of Judgment
5. Ask Questions
6. Be Curious
7. Be Sensitive to Moods, Feelings, Emotions
8. Elicit and Share Expectations
1. Reprinted by special permission of Robert A. Esperti and Renno L. Peterson. Copyright 2003 by Robert A. Esperti and Renno L. Peterson.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Guy W. Jackson practices in Oklahoma City. He focuses primarily on asset protection, business continuation, and charitable planning, as components of his estate planning practice. He received his undergraduate degree from Oklahoma Christian College and his Juris Doctor from the University of Oklahoma College of Law. He's an Adjunct Professor at Oklahoma Christian, where he teaches business law in the MBA program. Mr. Jackson is a frequent speaker and contributor to continuing legal education programs.